Spoonies Unite!

Hello everyone!

Today's post is a little different, and a bit more serious than my previous ones. I wanted to talk about Chronic Illness to you all, because it is something that defines a huge portion of my life and I want to reach out to people who understand. I've found that feeling alone is something that comes with Chronic Illnesses and it can be hard at times to comprehend that other people are out there who feel the same way as you do, so hopefully by talking about it, if only one person who this affects reads this post and it makes them feel comforted, surely that's nothing less than a wonderful thing.

So, for those of you who don't know, Chronic Illness is an umbrella term which can be used for many different diseases, conditions and illnesses. The Center for Managing Chronic Disease defines the term as follows: "Chronic Disease is a long-lasting condition that can be controlled but not cured." This covers a huge amount of diseases such as Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, Diabetes, Epilepsy, Chrohn's Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Irritable Bowel Syndrome; the latter of which affects me. This is not an extensive list, and these conditions are all very diverse, making it hard for people with Chronic Illnesses to find others who understand, because they are literally all completely different. The similarity, however, between them all that unifies them is the effect mentally that they have on the sufferer. They are exhausting and burdening things to have to live with and mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, and other disorders related to them are not uncommon in people with Chronic Illness, and can be caused or worsened by the mental strains of living with one.

A literal description of me on a daily basis.

I have struggled with depression for a very long time. I was about fourteen when I first started to feel depressed, which scared me because I didn't understand it and why it felt so different to other feelings of sadness. I'm not entirely sure what originally brought it on but then again maybe nothing did; some scientists have argued that mental illness is partially innate and can be set off very easily in people who genetically have a predisposition to it. I suffered with my depression for a very long time before I sought medical help for it, thanks to which it is not such a big part of my life now because it is controlled. I tried lots of things to control it such as cognitive behavioural therapy and different kinds of antidepressants before I found something that worked for me. I now take Fluoxetine daily to help control it, which I have done for quite a while, and it seems to be working.

Anxiety, however, is something which did not occur until fairly recently for me. The first time I had a panic attack was only about four years ago and I was terrified because I had no idea what it was, and anxiety was something that I had never even heard of before. Since then it gradually and steadily got worse, and I eventually went to the doctors and was diagnosed with a Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). My anxiety is largely social so I tried cognitive behavioural therapy to combat it, which did begin to work short-term but gradually it crept back upon me when the therapy course was over. I now take Propranolol (a beta-blocker) for my anxiety which does help, but unlike depression for me, it is something that is not completely controlled by my medication and it is something which I have to battle with daily even now.

Chronic disease is part of the reason that this affects me so badly every day. I have been diagnosed with IBS, which is a digestive condition that affects how well your body can digest certain foods and can make you feel almost constantly unwell, and make you feel sick and sleepy and give you crippling stomach pains, speaking from experience. Basically it's horrible. Stomach bugs suck, right? Of course they do. Imagine having one 24/7 - that's what it feels like. One of the main triggers of my social anxiety is fearing that I might start to feel sick in the presence of other people or while I'm away from home, which is completely rational and quite possible when you have IBS, so I often get scared to leave the house and do things which most people would enjoy, because I worry that I'll feel sick. Even things like going shopping or to the cinema are terrifying to me, and having friends round my house is a nightmare because it means that I can't escape. Restaurants are my worst nightmare, which is strange if you know me because I actually love eating. It literally sucks the fun out of everything. I've been to countless doctor and specialist appointments trying to figure out what's causing my IBS or how I can stop it to no avail. Eventually they pretty much said that I have IBS and it sucks but there's not a lot that I can do about it.

I don't mean to be getting my violin out or anything like that, I'm not writing this post for pity; but I want to make people see how much Chronic Illness sufferers go through on a daily basis. Those things that I just talked about are just how that one illness affects me personally. In my opinion, I actually have it quite lightly - I think that IBS, although awful, is one of the least traumatic Chronic Illnesses to have. I can't imagine what some people have to go through with things like MS and Lupus, who not only endure my symptoms and physical pain in their stomach like I do on a daily basis, but endure crippling pain all over their bodies too, and other things on top of that. Absolute soldiers. I have so much respect for people who have to cope with those things.

As you can imagine, many people with these illnesses often feel alone, not only mentally, but physically. Sometimes when people are going out to have fun, they can't go, because they're far too exhausted or in too much pain to be able to physically withstand it. I'm no stranger to the feeling of jealousy of healthy people that this brings, I feel it almost every time I see one of my friends having fun without a care. I know that sounds horrible, but when it's everything you dream of and they do it without a second thought you can't help but feel a pang of sadness and resentment every time they do.

So, I know what you're thinking... what then? You're just alone and miserable and bitter and there's nothing you can do about it? Well, yes and no. I used to think so, but there's something which I discovered not so long ago when I felt at my worst that helped me cope and made me feel normal for the first time in a very long time. The spoon theory.

Finally I had found something that accurately described how I felt, evidence that people actually understood. Then I found a whole community of people called 'Spoonies' who suffer with Chronic Illness, and finally I had found people I could actually relate to. Since then I've joined many Spoonie societies online, and through hearing their stories and complaints I feel less alone. I've made some lovely Spoonie friends, too through Tumblr. I now actually can laugh at my illness thanks to the IBS tag on this website, which has endless pages of crude yet hilarious posts taking a hilarious relatable spin on Chronic Illness. Take a look, you'll laugh I promise.

So besides generally venting about how much it sucks to be chronically ill, the point of this post was firstly to raise awareness, as I know how people can tend to react when you have illnesses like these, because they don't understand. I think it would be cool if more people knew about Chronic Illness and how much it sucks and how to deal with people who have it. I'm lucky because I have a wonderful, understanding, supportive partner who understands my condition and how to deal with me when I'm having a bad flare up, and lets me complain when people are being difficult about it, but I know that everyone isn't that lucky. Basically though, just don't be a dick. I know it's frustrating to have a friend or family member or student or employee who's chronically ill, but imagine how frustrating it is for them to have to deal with actually having the illness and listen to you whinge about their cancelling all the time over something that they can not avoid. It's pretty crappy, believe me. The main reason I wanted to write about it though is to reach out to people. I know how alone you feel, and I understand how hard it is. But I also believe that spoonies are the strongest people in the world and together we can fight the mental effects of Chronic Illness, and on days when we don't have enough spoons left, we can be alone and miserable together. :)

I want to say thank you to the spoonie community because you all genuinely make me feel so happy and so much less alone, and on days when you feel at your worst, to not feel alone is the most magical thing in the world. If you have a Chronic or Mental Illness please tell me because I want to be your friend, nobody wants to go through these things alone and if I can help anyone the same way that other spoonies helped me then I most definitely would like to. You are never ever alone.

Stay Spoonie Strong!!! <3

Ciao for now,

Lauren xoxo 

Are you a Spoonie? Comment and tell me if you are!

If you need help managing Chronic Illness you can find it here, or if you have a Mental Illness then you can visit this page for help.

Thank you so much for reading this post. By doing so you have already made yourself more aware, and that's one step closer to making the world a better place.

Maybelline Baby Lips: My Review

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted on here in a really long time and I just made an awesome discovery so I thought that I would check in!

For a really long time now I've heard people raving about Maybelline's baby lips lip balms. From what I gathered they were just like ordinary lip balms, except they had a hint of colour. I never really saw what the big deal was on hearing about them, but a little while ago I picked up one of those pepsi-flavoured lip balms from Primark which also had a hint of colour (it was a kind of pinkish bright red) and I decided that I really liked the idea of tinted lip balms, because on those days where you don't want to wear a full face of makeup because you want to be comfortable but at the same time you want to avoid looking like a corpse, they're perfect. However, this £1 pepsi lip balm had one problem for me. Although it tasted delicious, the colour kind of clung to the dry parts on my lips making them look even more dry, which was defeating the object of lip balm in the first place.

Which brings us to today. I was in town earlier running some errands and I was getting increasingly aware of how dry my lips felt when I was out in the cold. As much as I love winter, it does nothing for my lips or my skin. I thought about putting on my pepsi lip balm but decided not to because I remembered how unflattering it looked when I did. I then realised that I desperately wanted to try a Baby Lips balm, because I needed a new lip balm anyway, and as I preferred tinted ones I thought that one which was specifically designed as a tinted balm would do a better job. So in I went to my local Boots.

I actually ended up buying three of them and an eyeliner from Maybelline. I originally just picked one of the Baby Lips balms, but when I took it to the till they said that it was actually a freebie that you got when you bought three other Maybelline products, and since all of the Maybelline cosmetics were on 3 for 2, I decided it was worthwhile. So I came home with a Linerefine Expression Kajal eyeliner pencil in Black (£2.99), and two other Baby Lips balms plus my freebie (both £2.99). So for a grand total of £5.98 for four products, I was pretty happy.

The first one I got was called "Cherry Me". It's in an orange tube with pink writing on it, and it looks like a pinkish red from the tube, not dissimilar from my pepsi balm's colour. Here's how it looks:

I was hoping that this would be more of a red when I applied it, but it was indeed a pinkish red, similar to how it looks in the tube. This one I think was my least favourite of the three, because I prefer my reds to be reds and my pinks to be pinks and this just kind of can't decide which it is. Plus, I don't think I personally suit this shade, and I'll probably end up giving it away to my best friend because she suits colours like this more than I do. Having said that though, I think that this one is the best tasting of the three. It's very sweet, and as the name suggests, it's cherry flavoured, which is my favourite flavour for lip products since wearing cherry Lypsyl all the way through school. Here are some swatches on my hand and on my lips.

On to the next one. This one was part of the "Electro" range of colours, and it was called "Pink Shock". It's in a black tube with pink writing, and looks very neon in the tube, and it definitely looks pink, not red at all. Here it is:

I thought that this would be too bright for me and that I wouldn't like it when I tried it on, but I was wrong. It is still bright pink, but it's definitely not as harsh as it looks. It's a wearable colour and it makes my eyes look really blue which I like. This one doesn't taste of anything though, unlike "Cherry Me". Here it is swatched:

And now, my personal favourite. The last one was the one that I originally wanted to buy but got as a freebie. It's called "Dr Rescue" in "Berry Soft". This one never actually stated that it was coloured, and it seemed like the main purpose was to repair damaged lips and care for them, but at the same time it did look coloured in the tube; a kind of mauve pink. It's in a white tube with pale pink writing and I think it looks ADORABLE.

When I tried it on, I found that the colour did show. It looks slightly paler on the lips but not so pale that it washes you out, it's actually a very flattering colour. Since it's the closest to my natural lip colour, I think that this one is the most wearable. It's also more of a purple-pink than a red or orange pink, which are the kind of lip colours I like best. This one isn't flavoured either, but it contains eucalyptus which makes it seem slightly minty, and it gives your lips a refreshing tingly feeling. 

I'm absolutely in love with this last one, and I can see myself wearing it all the time.

Overall, I love these products. I think that as a lip balm, they definitely work, and the colour is an added bonus. I've been home about 45 minutes now and my lips already feel noticeably softer and less dry, and the colour isn't settling into the lines of my lips and fading unevenly, which is exactly what I wanted. I'm so happy that I bought these, and I can see them being my go-to lip product for all of the winter. 

I would give them a 5/5.

Has anybody else tried these? Comment and tell me what you think!

Ciao, 

Lauren xoxo

(Disclaimer: I bought these products myself and was not paid to do this review. All opinions are my own and are completely honest.)

McBusted Live Concert

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Hey everybody!!!

SO. A little while ago now, but not too long ago, a few friends and I went to see McBusted live, and I had the most amazing time there, so I wanted to tell you all about it. 

I'd always wanted to see Busted. I mean, I guess everybody my age does/has, because they were popular when we were all younger and it makes us feel nostalgic, but I never got to see them while they were still together and then obviously they broke up with no chance of reform, so that was pretty devastating. I don't know though, most people who like used to like them when they were younger either don't like them anymore or only seem to like the well-known songs as like a jokey thing or whatever, but I honestly still like them, infact probably more than I used to like them when I was younger really. I think that's because they mean a lot to me though. Me and my best friend Faye both love them still and they've kind of always been our thing. When I think about a lot of my favourite memories, a lot of them have songs which remind me of those times, and a lot of those songs are Busted songs. One of my favourite kind of extended memories was in the Christmas of 2009; it was kind of a really sad/hard time as well as happy because I was really struggling with depression and other mental health issues a lot worse than I ever have at that time, which meant that I spent a lot of time inside, but the time I spent over that Christmas also ended up being kind of nice. Faye spent almost that whole Christmas with me because I was sad, and every day we spent all day in the spare room of my house, doing each others' art homework and talking and drawing and laughing and listening to music, and all of that music we listened to over that time was by Busted and Son of Dork and Bullet for my Valentine and Fightstar, but primarily Busted, and now whenever I listen to songs like Holly, I'm the One and Britney and Why and Mercury Summer, I think of her and I think of that Christmas. I remember one day that winter we went sledging with all of our friends in the park over the road and we still both remember it as one of the best days ever. We also found the song Britney hilarious around that time lmao, and I still laugh every time I listen to it now. Another time, when we were still at Sixth Form college, we used to be really good friends with this guy who used to go to McDonald's with us on Friday lunchtimes now and again and one day when we'd been there, on our way back to college we listened to Busted in my car and we were all singing along really loudly and idk it was just really cute. 

But yeah, because we never saw them, we kind of spent a long time stalking James and Matt online and going to see everything Busted-related instead because it was as close as we could get to seeing Busted. We went to a Futureboy (James Bourne) concert one time and got backstage pass things for his tourbus and about 8 of us sat on there after the gig playing a card game called Set with James, which was pretty cool. Another time we went to see one of James' acoustic gigs which was lovely and really intimate and small, and we met him again and we also met his little brother (the little kid neighbour in the video for Year 3000).

I'd seen McFly before though, twice. The first time I only remember vaguely because I was pretty small and it was at a TFM festival where loads of bands played. The second time though was quite recently; Me, Faye, and Faye's mum all went to Scarborough and stayed over in a lovely little B&B and went to see them there on an open-air stage and it was amazing, we had such a good time.

Both of us being such big fans of both bands, as you can imagine, we were ecstatic when we found out they had gotten together and were touring, and Faye got tickets for us right away. It was the closest we'd get to Busted being back together and us seeing them so we were really excited. We saw them at the Newcastle Metro Radio arena, and we went with an old school/college friend we hadn't seen in a while which was nice, and his younger brother drove us all there. 

The concert was amazing though. Like seriously, I cried. They played mostly Busted songs and I swear down I sang every song they played from start to finish and I was so so tired but I didn't even care, and omfg THERE WERE BACK TO THE FUTURE REFERENCES WHICH IS JAMES' FAVOURITE MOVIE AND ALSO THEY CAME OUT IN A DELOREAN AND THEN A SPACESHIP LATER OKAY. JUST, I CAN'T EVEN. It was AMAZING. When they first started playing I screamed so much and I felt so daft and emotional but I wasn't even arsed, like I felt like I was a little kid again and all my dreams had come true, lmao. Ugh, cries. Me and Faye were holding hands and dancing and singing our heads off and grinning like idiots and it was just so so happy and I felt infinite and it was perfect okay and just ugh I needed to tell you all how happy it made me. They were so so good. Legit best gig I've ever been to. Ever. At all. EVER.

Oh, and I got a T-shirt lol.

Did anybody else go? What did you think of it? What was your favourite part? Tell me, I wanna fangirl about Busted with y'all~~~~

Anyway, ahem, normality. I'll stop being an over-excited thirteen-year-old now and be an almost-twenty-year-old. Oh god fml haha.

Hope everyone's fine and dandy, and if you stuck around for the whole of that rambling then you deserve an award!!!

Toodle pip,

Lauren xxx

Me, Faye, and our friend Josh at the concert :)

Hello!

Hi :)
My name is Lauren, and I have been running a fashion blog for some time now as part of my uni course which I've come to enjoy very much, but I found that I was limited on writing topics having a fashion-specific blog, so I've decided to start a lifestyle blog with lots of things I like such as a bit of fashion and art and beauty and reviews of things but I'll also post about what I'm getting up to, things I find interesting, and general ramblings, which hopefully will be of interest to somebody!
Let me introduce myself. I am a BA student from the north-east of England, studying Fashion at CCAD Hartlepool. I've lived in sunny England all my life. I speak French. I have two dogs, called Dave and Tinkerbell. I really love A Clockwork Orange, Trainspotting, Pulp Fiction, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band, and Depeche Mode. I collect vinyl records and cassette tapes and I love to read. I have one tattoo. I'm very good at spelling. I play guitar and I really can't sing. Sunflowers are my favourite flowers in the whole world. I'm really bad at saving money and I am almost obsessed with eyebrows. Sunday dinners and takeaway pizza are my favourite foods ever and I really don't like white chocolate. And I really REALLY don't like spiders. I like snakes. And, evidently, I like blogging. :)
I promise I'll try not to be boring haha, but please follow me! I'd love to make some new friends here!

Lauren xxx